We meet many people on our path. Some we’ll have feelings for, and they won’t answer them. Rejection is part of life, and it’s our mission to learn how to deal with it and move on keeping our hope alive that the right person is out there. Especially in modern times when meeting people from dating apps can become a habit, rejection is a possibility which needs to be taking into consideration.
Unfortunately, handling rejection is not as easy as it sounds for most people. It’s painful, confusing, and heartbreaking. In fact, it’s proven that for the brain social rejection is no different from some types of physical pain.
But there are not just ways to feel better and get back on track after it, but also to understand what causes it, find a way to look at it from another point of view, and even realize it was the right thing to happen.
Here are 4 such points to consider that will completely change the way you react to the situation the next time you face rejection:
1. Understand it’s not really your problem to deal with
One of the things we do wrong when it comes to relationships, even if it’s not a romantic one, is that we take every little thing way too personally.
Whatever the other person isn’t happy with, probably has little to do with us. We’re all dealing with our own demons, and what’s going on in our heads often cannot even be put into words.
Yes, it’s possible that someone you are attracted to doesn’t pay any attention to you. Or if he/she did for some time, now they changed their mind.
Well, guess what?
Some people are pretty bad at expressing their feelings. And almost anyone changes over time. That means they reach another phase in their life where they also have other needs in terms of relationships, and you two just aren’t the right fit for each other.
These simple facts might scare those who tend to obsess over the person who doesn’t like them back, but are life truths you’ll need to learn to accept and understand.
Stuff happens. Feelings complicate things. And to find someone you like who likes you back in a similar way, is a rare thing. But to do it right and be mentally and emotionally strong when it happens, you need to face rejection a few times and move on.
Knowing it’s most often nothing personal is actually a liberating fact that will free you from the burden of overthinking, blaming yourself or saying life’s unfair and playing the role of a victim.
2. Heal using the power of compassion
Okay, you got rejected. Now it’s time for a healing process so that you can move on stronger than ever.
The most peaceful and positive way to go through that is to be compassionate. It means showing sympathy towards what your heart is feeling, acknowledging it instead of avoiding it, and sending positive vibes to yourself.
It also means filling your mind with things like empathy and kindness. And even showing understanding to the person that rejected you, knowing he might be going through even harder things in life that you don’t know about. And as a result of that, comprehending the whole situation differently.
3. Find the lesson
The only reason to think too much about something from the past which we can’t change, is to simply extract the moral and learn from it.
The same goes for rejection. Don’t try to guess what you did wrong, or imagine where you could be with that person now. These are pointless and time-wasting.
Instead, assess the whole thing from the beginning. See what you could have done better to show understanding.
Maybe there were signs of the potential failure of the relationship you could have noticed, but you didn’t take a closer look or take into consideration the whole picture.
Analyze, learn, then optimize your approach the next time. You’ll feel empowered and better prepared.
4. Focus on what’s next
Letting go of all that happened and the negative emotions related to it is the ultimate solution to living your life fully again.
To let go is to accept every part of the story, smile for what was and understand it was the right thing to experience at that time, and move on.
Now concentrate on what’s next. And be sure it’s the best thing you can imagine.
There are so many opportunities that come your way daily. And so many wonderful people you’ll meet on your journey. Knowing this helps a lot with leaving behind the one big rejection you had to deal with.
Sarah Williams is a Berlin based dating advisor, writer and entrepreneur. Her mission is to help busy men and women of all ages create a sexier, stronger, body and mind, and find true fulfillment from social interactions. She believes the key to true happiness is continuous self-improvement and shares her thoughts on Wingman Magazine